Skip to main content

Year Two, Day 298: Death and Unconditional Love

I felt like I had a hangover today.

No, I didn't tip the bottle last night. I really don't drink anymore. Only the occasional glass of wine with a friend. 

I think I had a socializing hangover.  Today, I felt the need to find a nice place to sit with a book and a cup of tea. All day.

But, I still had things. Many things to clear out of the old place.

And I really wanted to make it to church.

Of course, as usual I am glad I did.  The little church I go to feeds my soul.  The pastor translates the bible, sometimes word for word. He has studied ancient languages, particularly Greek and Hebrew. I take notes furiously. I feel like I am back in college. I so love being a student!

He and his wife are amazing. Both in the 70's. Lift weights several times a week. Have energy that put me to shame! But he had been hospitalized due to heart complications for the past few weeks.

He was back preaching again today. He seemed a little tired, but fascinating as usual. With his recent hospitalization, I am realizing how deeply he has impacted my spiritual life. And how much he would be missed when he eventually departs this world.

I was thinking about death today.  Perhaps because of the pastor's illness. Or perhaps it was because of my social hung over.  Or maybe it was because I just started Week 10 of the daily devotional I have been reading:  Challenge: A Daily Meditation Program Based on "The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius"

I am proud of myself for sticking with this daily reading. Along with my daily bible reading, morning prayer and prayer journaling.  I find that it feeds my soul.  I need it even more than a morning jolt of caffeine!

The heading for week 10 is: "How Does the Thought of Death Impact the Way I Live?"

There was a lot of good food for thought in today's reading including a quote by Robert Herhold:

"It's too bad that dying is the last thing we do because it could teach us so much about life".

I read that at lunch after church. I have to admit, I was a bit down today.  During the break at church one of the elders came and asked about my son. I had asked the members to put him on the prayer chain back in the summer.  I always worry about my son.  I told the elder that I still worry about him.  Then I thought about our last lunch. He told me that I still treat him like a child. And he at 24 years old is a grown man, he says.

I sat there thinking about my son during the last part of church. I didn't hear much of the sermon. I even shed a few tears.  I ended up writing the elder a note. I thanked him for asking about my son. But I asked him to take his name off of the prayer sheet.  They have a sheet every week with names of people with prayer requests. My son's name is there with "personal issues" beside his name.

I realized that was not respecting his wishes to be treated like an adult. He did not ask for prayers.

I will still pray for him. I asked the church to pray for me. But I do need to love and accept him where he is at. I tend to judge him and his friends. I am certain he can feel my disapproval. And that is not really who I am. At least not to most of the world. Only to my son.

And I do understand what it feels like when we sense someone does not approve of us. Especially if that is a person who we love.

And speaking of death, we do not know how long we have on this earth. Nor do we know how long our loved ones will be here.

I want my son to know I love him. With no strings attached.

After church I called him. He was at work. I told him I just called to say hi and I loved him.  He said "Love you too" and hung up.

But later this afternoon he called out of the blue. He was going to pay rent with his girlfriend. He sounded happy. He asked me what I was up to. We just visited. I didn't nag or interrogate.  He didn't ask for anything. But we talked about having dinner later in the week. I told him I would like to meet his girlfriend.

We said "love you" and hung up.

That is the best interaction I've had with my son in a long time. 

There is so much more I'd like to say. But this was a profound moment for me, so I will leave it there.

I like leaving with profundity.

Happy Sunday! :)

Talk to you tomorrow!

Zita :)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Three, Day 134: The Charmed Life of a Commuting Grandma

I just discovered that the Starbucks at Cascades Station stays open until 10:00 p.m. every night.

Just when I was wanting to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Being a commuting grandma really is not that difficult. Actually, my life pretty much rocks right now!

Today has been a very good day. And I had maybe 3 hours of solid sleep last night. The Burrito has decided she likes to sleep cuddled in the arms of her Great Grandma Blanche or Grandma Zita during the day. Or snuggled safe in her infant seat while her mom, grandma and great grandma go out to lunch, do laundry and go shopping.

I warned my daughter that the
Baby Burrito needed some awake time yesterday. Or else we would pay for it in the evening. But getting so much done with a snoozing baby in tow was so freeing. Especially since Baby Burrito's dad is elk hunting all weekend.

We finally roused her for a bath, diaper change and piano lesson early afternoon.

Baby Burrito had a fantastic first piano lesson. At…

Year Three, Day 236: Memories of Food

Well, I ALMOST got on the treadmill today!

I planned on it. I actually had a very productive morning. I woke up super early, but it was cold and I knew I would be exhausted if I actually got vertical at 4:47 a.m. So I stayed in bed and checked emails, and played a few games of Words with Friends.

I drifted off again, and finally got out of bed at 9:30.  I did my prayer, journaling, bible study and reading from my Joyce Meyer Book. (The Mind Connection). I have only one more chapter to read and I am finished with the book! At which point, I plan on going back to the beginning and rereading the whole thing. It is that good!

I did my morning hoop. It was a crisp, cold morning, but no wind. I had a good workout. Then I practiced a bit of piano and did some piano lesson planning for my students.

I had planned on grabbing a quick lunch and then hopping on the Max to the gym where I would hop on the treadmill, hop in the jacuzzi and then grab a quick shower before my students.

The bus that g…

Year Three, Day 261: The Belligerent Man, The Bus Driver, and the Woman in a Poncho

I just had a most entertaining bus ride!

I had just gotten of the Max at the Hollywood Transit Center. I was coming down the steps, when I saw the #75 to Milwaukie entering the parking lot. That was my transfer bus!  I didn't want to miss it, because at this time of day, it might be a 20 minute wait until the next one.

I had just come from a lovely sushi lunch with  my daughter and Baby Gracie at Cascades Station.

The plan was for me to teach my piano students and then return to Vancouver tonight. My daughter has much work to do at home and we all know that working at home with a 5 month old baby is a bit of an oxymoron!

Anyway, I hurried down the stairs, being very mindful. The steps were slippery in the Portland drizzle. Slipping and falling would kind of put a cramp in my day.

I slowed down when I noticed there was a long line of passengers waiting to board. At the end of the line was an older, distinguished looking gentleman.  He was wearing a long overcoat and hat.  He nodded…