"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." (Deuteronomy 30: 19-20. NIV)
A good friend, whom I admire and look up to posted on Facebook this morning that she does not support the "me too" movement. She thinks it is a shallow movement on social media created by rich celebrities for attention. She agrees there is a problem with sexual abuse, which has existed for a long time. But she thinks instead of sharing on social media, people should seek professional help.
I agree on a certain level.
However, I also disagree. Here is my response to my dear friend:
I find the "me too" movement empowering. I am a survivor of much sexual abuse, beginning in adolescence. I have been through years of counseling, where my "victim mentality" was addressed. Honestly, it made me feel worse. I constantly asked myself, "What is wrong with me?" When the correct questions are: "What is wrong with our society?" "How do we protect the innocent?" "How do we raise kind, compassionate, yet confident and strong children so the cycle does not perpetuate?" I hope to see more open and honest conversations such as these so we can move forward in love and humanity.
I had a rejuvenating sleep last night. Actually allowed myself to remain in bed until 10 a.m.! Part of that time was spent on the internet. Much of that reading "me too" accounts.
It triggered a lot of negative memories for me. I considered posting my own "me too" accounts. I thought it might be cathartic for me and helpful to others.
But for now, I have decided against it. Perhaps it was my scripture of the day (above) that was referenced in my Joyce Meyer book.
Perhaps it was the knowledge that all the counseling, rehashing the past, trying to understand my "victim mentality", just plain hurt. And made me angry.
I want to live now and continue into the future. Positively.
But I do need to be aware of any behaviors of mine that perpetuate myself as a victim.
For example, yesterday I got on the bus and lo and behold came face to face with
"HFKAR" - remember him? The handsome, older Latino man that drove me crazy for a few months over a year ago?
He smiled at me broadly. But I just gave him a polite smile and a "Hello".
When it was time to debus, I told him to "take care", smiled politely and hopped off. He smiled politely back and said, "Take care, Sweetheart."
And I did not take offense at the "Sweetheart". It sounded, fatherly. Whether he meant it or not. I did not encourage.
Now, let me clarify. Most of my "me too" experiences, especially in adolescence were not encouraged by me at all. I was a victim of predators exerting their power on me.
But I started to feel like a victim. An object. And I noticed girls who looked pretty and sexy got a lot of attention. So that was my role model. And I lived it. For a long time.
I am ready to be more aware. Strong, kind, gentle and firm. Like my daughter. The most confident woman I know.
I must have done something right!
I only have a few minutes to post. I am at my library office, on my way to a new student's house.
I wish you a blessed, peaceful day.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Love,
Zita
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