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Year Three, Day 294: Escapism

"Escapism is the avoidance of unpleasant, boring, arduous, scary, or banal aspects of daily life. It can also be used as a term to define the actions people take to help relieve persisting feelings of depression or general sadness"https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki

I was pondering my presence in my daily life today. It seems I often am looking forward to "getting through" with whatever task I am involved with. Rather than being truly present and experiencing it. It is like I need to escape. But what is it I am trying to escape? My life?! God knows, none of us make it out of this mortal life alive!

It became apparent to me that I was not dwelling in the present moment today as I sat next to one of my students. He is a teenager.. A good student. But I have wondered if he likes basketball much better than piano, and is taking lessons to please his parents.

Well, it is obvious he likes basketball better than piano. But over the last few years, he has become more engaged in his lessons. He has a good musical ear, and his skills have improved quite a bit.   And lately he has been playing much with more feeling. . He also seems more interested in my suggestions and even asking questions.

Today he was struggling with hymn "How Great Thou Art".  (He plays once or a twice a month at his father's church).  We play hymns from his church hymnal. These are not arranged musically for piano. So we are exploring making our own arrangements with chords. Today I sat listening to him, feeling a tad inpatient.

And thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner.

He blundered along. Then he looked up at me in frustration.

"This doesn't sound very good",  he said.

 I asked him to get up, and I sat down at  the piano and played through the hymn, giving him some ideas and suggestions.

He observed my playing and then we switched places.

The hair stood up on on my arms when he started to play.

Such emotion came out of his young hands!  He tried a few of his own ideas and then looked up at me rather shyly and asked, "What do you think of this?"

"Wow!" I said, "That is beautiful. Do that!"

I had goose bumps on my arms.

I told him that when I get goosebumps, it let's me know that someone is playing with feeling.

That moment woke me up literally and spiritually. The rest of the day, I stayed present, not allowing my mind to wander.

I confess that sometimes I go on automatic pilot. With my work, with my daily tasks, with my long walks, with my bus rides. I am usually thinking about what one of my addictions.

If you have been following my blog, you can probably guess what the first addiction is.

Yep, you got it. Food!

I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to eat for my next meal. And then when I finally eat, I often read about food. Usually recipes. It's an embarrassing habit.  But in being transparent, I hope to conquer it!

I did pretty well with my eating today. I started out with breakfast with my mom. I mentioned in a previous post, that I have allowed sourdough bread back into my life. This morning for breakfast I had eggs, bacon,  hash browns and sourdough toast with strawberry jam.

I find that allowing myself a pleasurable food helps me feel satisfied longer and less deprived. I only hope that eating gluten again does not mess with my system. I am only eating a little bit, but even a little bit can harm you if you are indeed sensitive. I originally discontinued eating gluten after I read the book Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis. It was fascinating and well researched.

I am simply burned out on gluten-free eating. I can always go back, if my digestive system rebels.

But let me tell you, that sourdough toast tasted divine!

The rest of the day, I ate sensibly. I woke up early again, and packed my rice noodle instant soup in a mason jar, and my mobile salad. I also packed a container of yogurt.



I was elated to discover my favorite yogurt at Safeway on 39th and Powell yesterday. Hint of Madagascar Cinnamon Vanilla Chobani yogurt. It only has 9 grams of sugar. So delicious! Not too sweet.

I am wondering if I can keep with my current eating system, making healthy meals, and having the occasional sourdough toast, I can stop obsessing about food?


 Perhaps.

My other addiction is also embarrassing. I have become obsessed with  the online game "Words With Friends". I play it on the bus, at the bus stop, and to wake up in the morning. But lately, I've become so competitive that it is one of the only things I want to do. I'm involved in a competition now where I can win a hundred points if I make it to a certain amount of points by the end of the day tomorrow.

Well, I have decided that I'm going to do something brave. After this current round, I'm going to uninstall it from my cell phone! I know it is a serious addiction for me, because the idea of life without Words with Friends terrifies me. I feel almost panicked.  What will I do for fun? How will I spend my time on the bus?

Well perhaps I can go back to living life in the real world again!

A few months ago, I uninstalled Facebook from my cell phone. It was one of the best decisions ever. I still check in with Facebook every few days to see how my friends are doing and to post Birthday wishes.

But I do not spend hours mindlessly scrolling.

One really life activity I always look forward to is time with my granddaughter. When I'm with her, every moment is precious. My daughter and I laugh about how people always tell us to "treasure each moment with a baby because in the blink of an eye she will be grown up".

But she is already 6 months. So I better not blink anymore. I do not allow myself to play Words With Friends when I watching baby Gracie. I enjoy every precious moment with her.

But I want to challenge myself to be present in all of my life. Yes, routine can sometimes be mundane. Work can be boring. But the little things in life can be so enjoyable.

 And as I get older, I do appreciate the little things more. without my addictions to rob me  of the present moment, I can spend more time developing myself. I could always use more piano practice. I have many books I need to read.  I do I do need to allow myself time to just relax without feeling guilty. I told myself I'm sharpening my brain while playing Words with Friends. And I have improved my game. But I am very suspicious of how addicting this game is and how much time it robs of my life.

So as soon as I reach my goal tomorrow, that game is out of here!

And on that note I wish you a lovely evening.

I will talk to you tomorrow. Hopefully with one less addiction to deal with.

Love,

 Zita.

PS. Here is today's whooping video. Day 253!




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