I've had a bit of an epiphany.
("Epiphany: A moment in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way".http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/epiphany)
I signed onto the internet early Saturday morning while I was working up the motivation to get out of bed. I opened Facebook. And this article caught my eye:
And the discontent and irritation I have been feeling lately surfaced.
I've mentioned many times how much I love to read, but I need to clarify that much of my reading is often mind numbing, emotionally soothing reading that is addictive in nature. I need to admit that I skim. I speed read. I do not go deep enough.
For years, I have chuckled at my obsessive need to have a book with me, especially when I eat. I remember reading the back of cereal boxes as I ate my breakfast when I was a kid. Now I am wondering if I used this as a shield to avoid social interaction.
When I was a young, single mother, I would read recipes late at night. I had a pile of them on the table. I would often combine this with snacking. Usually on something crunchy and salty. Later, when I got my first computer, I would peruse the internet late at night, mostly visiting websites about food..
I told myself I was meal planning. But I was really just feeding my food addiction. And avoiding life.
I also burned through magazines.When I was a pre-teen I read "Tiger Beat". My little heart going pitter patter over some teenage heart throb. I graduated to "Seventeen". Trying to studying up on how to be popular. Didn't really work.
Later, I discovered "Cosmopolitan". Oh, how I wish I could turn back time. And never open up that magazine! I spent many hours pouring over the pages, trying to figure out how to get and keep a man. Usually while eating a bag of chips and drinking a can of diet coke!
The hours I wasted! And I never did keep any of the men I attracted.
Sigh.
Years later, as the kids grew and I settled on singlehood, I reached for the cheap magazines I spied at checkout stands. Perfect for my short attention span. Little snippets of ideas on how to lose weight, destress, make my home beautiful and recipes. Lots of recipes with glossy, colored photos! I inhaled these magazines for many years. As the pounds piled on.
Years ago, my daughter pointed out that all of these magazines say the same thing. They are a waste of money. I couldn't argue. But I kept buying them.
Then along came Facebook. It nearly destroyed me. I think I developed a Facebook addiction. At first, it was so exciting. Reconnect with friends! Randomly speak my mind! Get affirmation via that "like" button! Share oodles of inspirational messages against the backdrop of beautiful scenary. See cute animals. Doing cute things. Cute kids. Being cute kids. See how other people live.
And then...
Start comparing my own life with everyone else. Feeling my self esteem plummet. Want to feel better about myself by improving my online profile. Taking so many selfies. Wanting to put all my profound thoughts up. Wanting to be "liked"!
I noticed how many hours I spent on Facebook. And how I often pried myself away, late at night, feeling really bad.
I first gave up Facebook for Lent about five years ago. It was so difficult, that I knew it was the right thing for me to do. It felt like an addiction.
Like the magazines, cereal boxes, potato chips, diet cokes, paperback novels. Anything that mindlessly distracts me from real life.
So the article I read this morning hit me square in the face. Gave me a good pause. And made me realize this is part of my life improving journey.
So today, I tood some time to pause.
Breathe.
Examine.
I have so many questions. Questions social media will not answer. I will not find these answers in magazines or on the back of cereal boxes.
One thing I am proud of myself for lately is sticking to my daily Bible reading.
Daily prayer and journaling.
Daily exercise.
And daily blogging.
I have been focusing on my physical body, my spiritual and my emotional self. Now it is time to tackle my brain. I am feeling the draw toward history. I never was really interested in that subject when I was younger. Now that I am over 50, it is catching my attention. I desire to go deeper. I know I will never have all the answers. But I want to keep questioning.
And I would like to begin to have more meaningful conversations. With myself and others. Deep, meaningful conversations.
I am compiling a list. Everytime something grabs my curiousity, it goes on the list. And the list will then lead to research. Books. Not Google.
This is a really long post. I've been composing it in my head since yesterday. But I got home from rehearsal exhausted last night. I fell asleep before I could type it.
But I am excited about this new chapter in my life.
And with the escalating violence worldwide lately -especially terrorism - I find I cannot just live my life like a happy go lucky, shallow, magazine reading fool anymore!
I want to understand the roots of this violence. So these are the first entries on my list.
Islam
Caliphates
Al-Qaeda
The Ottoman Empire
World War I
The Crusades
I probably won't find my answers in Cosmo. lol. I have a Kindle. I prefer real books, but with all my commuting it comes in handy. I just downloaded the book Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. (http://www.amazon.com/Infidel-Ayaan-Hirsi-Ali/dp/0743289692)
I am already inspired!
Now for some sleep. Happy belated Saturday!
("Epiphany: A moment in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way".http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/epiphany)
I signed onto the internet early Saturday morning while I was working up the motivation to get out of bed. I opened Facebook. And this article caught my eye:
"Paris terror attacks: Why social media is turning us into idiots
Paris massacre demands an intelligent response, not social media stupidity, writes Bryony Gordon"
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/12007644/Paris-terror-attacks-Why-social-media-is-turning-us-into-idiots.html)And the discontent and irritation I have been feeling lately surfaced.
I've mentioned many times how much I love to read, but I need to clarify that much of my reading is often mind numbing, emotionally soothing reading that is addictive in nature. I need to admit that I skim. I speed read. I do not go deep enough.
For years, I have chuckled at my obsessive need to have a book with me, especially when I eat. I remember reading the back of cereal boxes as I ate my breakfast when I was a kid. Now I am wondering if I used this as a shield to avoid social interaction.
When I was a young, single mother, I would read recipes late at night. I had a pile of them on the table. I would often combine this with snacking. Usually on something crunchy and salty. Later, when I got my first computer, I would peruse the internet late at night, mostly visiting websites about food..
I told myself I was meal planning. But I was really just feeding my food addiction. And avoiding life.
I also burned through magazines.When I was a pre-teen I read "Tiger Beat". My little heart going pitter patter over some teenage heart throb. I graduated to "Seventeen". Trying to studying up on how to be popular. Didn't really work.
Later, I discovered "Cosmopolitan". Oh, how I wish I could turn back time. And never open up that magazine! I spent many hours pouring over the pages, trying to figure out how to get and keep a man. Usually while eating a bag of chips and drinking a can of diet coke!
The hours I wasted! And I never did keep any of the men I attracted.
Sigh.
Years later, as the kids grew and I settled on singlehood, I reached for the cheap magazines I spied at checkout stands. Perfect for my short attention span. Little snippets of ideas on how to lose weight, destress, make my home beautiful and recipes. Lots of recipes with glossy, colored photos! I inhaled these magazines for many years. As the pounds piled on.
Years ago, my daughter pointed out that all of these magazines say the same thing. They are a waste of money. I couldn't argue. But I kept buying them.
Then along came Facebook. It nearly destroyed me. I think I developed a Facebook addiction. At first, it was so exciting. Reconnect with friends! Randomly speak my mind! Get affirmation via that "like" button! Share oodles of inspirational messages against the backdrop of beautiful scenary. See cute animals. Doing cute things. Cute kids. Being cute kids. See how other people live.
And then...
Start comparing my own life with everyone else. Feeling my self esteem plummet. Want to feel better about myself by improving my online profile. Taking so many selfies. Wanting to put all my profound thoughts up. Wanting to be "liked"!
I noticed how many hours I spent on Facebook. And how I often pried myself away, late at night, feeling really bad.
I first gave up Facebook for Lent about five years ago. It was so difficult, that I knew it was the right thing for me to do. It felt like an addiction.
Like the magazines, cereal boxes, potato chips, diet cokes, paperback novels. Anything that mindlessly distracts me from real life.
So the article I read this morning hit me square in the face. Gave me a good pause. And made me realize this is part of my life improving journey.
So today, I tood some time to pause.
Breathe.
Examine.
I have so many questions. Questions social media will not answer. I will not find these answers in magazines or on the back of cereal boxes.
One thing I am proud of myself for lately is sticking to my daily Bible reading.
Daily prayer and journaling.
Daily exercise.
And daily blogging.
I have been focusing on my physical body, my spiritual and my emotional self. Now it is time to tackle my brain. I am feeling the draw toward history. I never was really interested in that subject when I was younger. Now that I am over 50, it is catching my attention. I desire to go deeper. I know I will never have all the answers. But I want to keep questioning.
And I would like to begin to have more meaningful conversations. With myself and others. Deep, meaningful conversations.
I am compiling a list. Everytime something grabs my curiousity, it goes on the list. And the list will then lead to research. Books. Not Google.
This is a really long post. I've been composing it in my head since yesterday. But I got home from rehearsal exhausted last night. I fell asleep before I could type it.
But I am excited about this new chapter in my life.
And with the escalating violence worldwide lately -especially terrorism - I find I cannot just live my life like a happy go lucky, shallow, magazine reading fool anymore!
I want to understand the roots of this violence. So these are the first entries on my list.
Islam
Caliphates
Al-Qaeda
The Ottoman Empire
World War I
The Crusades
I probably won't find my answers in Cosmo. lol. I have a Kindle. I prefer real books, but with all my commuting it comes in handy. I just downloaded the book Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. (http://www.amazon.com/Infidel-Ayaan-Hirsi-Ali/dp/0743289692)
I am already inspired!
Now for some sleep. Happy belated Saturday!
Comments
Post a Comment