|PPD (Post Performance Depression)|
I knew it would happen! It always does!
I put my heart and soul into a performance. Plus the countless hours practicing. And worrying. This time I think I crammed too much. I should have mastered this music weeks ago. Such a procrastinator am I!
So needless to say, I woke up this morning feeling like I had a hangover and had been run over by a truck. A semi-truck. Over and over again!
I allowed myself to sleep in. No walk. No run. No coffee.
Oy, but I regret the no coffee now!
But I did hula hoop: 220 rotations!
I made it to my office job on time.
I put the flowers the choir gave me last night in a little vase with water. They are cheering me up. I do not regret my hangover. I just do need to remember to pace myself next time around. Back to daily practice instead of cramming!
(I was guilty of being a crammer-style studier in college too. Old habits die hard!)
Speaking of habits, I am dealing with a bit of negativity here at the office. I had a little email chat with my pastor boss this morning. She understands. We both have experienced gossip and mean spirited people in churches, of all places! She recommended a sign with the scripture Philippians 4:8 for my office.
This was my response to her, which brought about some good deep soul searching:
"I love Philippians 4:8. I wrote it on my white board in the office when I first started. I am stuck on Galatians 5:22-24 now because it is about my personal growth...
I know that churches can be a gossip mill. But we as followers of Jesus seriously need to rise above. What I struggle with when I encounter this type of behavior is that I tend to sink a little. I judge the "mean" people. I try to maintain peace and kindness, but often feel this pull from the other people to be more like them. Like they think I am being a "goody-two-shoes' or have a superiority complex. Which is not true. If anything, I have an inferiority complex.
But then I remind myself that I am a unique wonderful creation in the eyes of God.
I know I cannot change people, but I would like to make an impact.
I just realized that being mad at the mean people is not the way I wish to live...I am going to pray for them. Not to change them. God may be using them to show me where I need to change...
Hmmm...good stuff...perhaps I should blog about it!
Sorry to ramble. Just venting. I wish I had gotten up early enough for coffee. This tea is not cutting it!"
Thankfully I am off the rest of the week from teaching. I plan on doing much working out in the gym, cleaning, practicing piano, lunch with family, prayer and reading.
I am feeling reinspired to emerge myself into music. Music feeds my soul. It is a language I understand. Especially if I keep myself fluent!
Instead of wallowing in despair, or seeking comfort through food, this time around I have ammunition. That I have learned through much self introspection, reading, prayer and simply living life.
Today I am going to workout at the gym, sit in the hot tub, go to lunch with my daughter and then read, pray, practice and clean tonight.
Take that depression!
It takes power to overcome.
I am going to leave you with this quote:
"The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines 'power' as "the ability to act or produce and effect". Real power is basically the ability to change something if you want to change it".
~Brene Brown, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Wasn't!)
You are loved, you are powerful! Be YOU with courage!
Talk to you tomorrow!