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Year Three, Day 39: HHP Day 5: Questions for Myself

Another tired day.

I did not get up and run. Or walk to get my cup of coffee. 

I stayed in bed until the last moment.

What got me up was thinking of my hula hoop project.  I did another 500 consecutive rotations this morning. I would have done more, but alas, that snooze button! I am at it's mercy!

Today I am heading up to the gym before I teach. I need a good workout and a nice hot tub soak.

I am still feeling a bit low. But lunch with my daughter yesterday lifted me. She is in her third trimester of pregnancy.  She is glowing!  I remember this time with both my pregnancies.  It is like being a piece of ripe fruit.  I loved feeling my babies kick. The amazing miracle of life inside of me!

But it is also difficult. You get very heavy, tired and achy.  I pray for her every day.  Childbirth is one of God's greatest miracles. But it carries with it much pain, fear and a sobering obligation. To raise a life.

I am struggling today with myself.  With my motives for self improvement.  I am committed to being an involved grandma. I want to always be involved with my family. It is not always easy. Right now, we are all so busy, involved in this thing called life. We do not have enough time for each other. We tend to just gather on "Hallmark Holidays".

I have always felt pressured by the holidays.  Deep inside I desire just gathering together out of love. I suppose the holidays give us permission to gather. But the meaning often feel superficial.

But the reason I am struggling with myself is this: I want to make sure I am working on self improvement, to be healthier and better able to serve my family, friends and community. Not out of a selfish need for perfection.

It is easy to get lured into just thinking physical perfection (if at all possible) equals a perfect life.

I want to share with you this quote from the book by Beth Moore I am reading for the second time. My daughter is right. I need to read it every day. For the rest of my life!

"Improving her appearance can make a woman feel better about herself and arguably improve some quality of life, but it still won't heal her insecurity. The more she thinks it will, the more she's setting herself up for another blow. Each woman has within her capabilities various ways of looking her best. Not someone else's best, mind you, but her own. If our pursuit has moved from reasonable attention to a veritable obsession however, we'd better search our souls for what's drawing us.

Do you ever stop in your tracks and ask yourself out loud, "What am I doing?" Boy, I do. It's a terrifically important questions, but it needs a few others to follow it up, like, "Why am I doing what I am doing? What am I hoping top achieve?"

~Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity, You've Been a Bad Friend to Us

I am going to spend some time with those questions today. Perhaps I will have answers tomorrow. Perhaps not. But I know one thing. I desire to be authentic, loving and kind. To rid myself of negativity.  And food addictions.

I also know that today I need to be quiet.  Listen to God. Listen to my students.  Pray.  Breathe. And just be.

I wish you a happy Tuesday.

Enjoy your life.  Be kind to others. Breathe!

Talk to you tomorrow.




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