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Day 218: Death by Chocolate

One of three gift boxes I received from my wonderful students! :)

I like to be real on this blog. But I am tempted to just talk about the good stuff. My accomplishments, my epiphanies, the people I help, the pounds I lose. Good stuff like that.

But I need to be honest here. I am struggling with chocolate overload. I have some dear sweet students who have been giving me boxes of chocolates for early Christmas gifts. Last week I got a box of Godiva chocolates. This week I got two boxes of Hershey's Pot of Gold.

I shared a few Godiva chocolates with the wonderful people at the Salem Amtrak station.  They were most appreciative!

The Hershey's I shared with my kids. But my daughter has an annoying habit of taking one bite out of a piece and then putting it back in the box. Who does that? lol  Well at least she has the will power to stop at one bite!

I have eaten probably a dozen pieces of chocolate in the last 3 days. Not proud of myself.  I didn't think I had a problem with binge eating on sugary substances.  I seem to have kicked the potato chip and popcorn mindless face cram.

But these chocolates talk to me. They call my name! The best solution is to give them away. I just can't seem to control myself.

I have a box of chocolates on the table right now. I had a nice healthy dinner last night. Steak, a baked potato, salad, and edamame. And three pieces of chocolate.  The scary part is I always feel really weird after eating them. I don't think it's just the guilt and shame. I feel irritable and restless. Then I get really tired.

Ok. Confessing this feels good. I have made so much progress in my life over the past 7 months. This is just another speed bump.

I guess I didn't think I had a problem with chocolate, because I never buy it.  There is never chocolate laying around the house. Of course, if it was, it would get eaten!

I don't think I am going to do myself any favors by eating all the chocolate I see over the holidays.  I will just see if I can allow myself one piece after dinner.  If that is too difficult, I will just give it away.

But I do love my students for making me feel like a very special teacher.  :)

And on a more positive note...

Yesterday I accompanied the Francis Street Singers in a concert at the Community Music Center. I felt very focus and prepared. It went really well. The children's choirs performed too. We will be doing our own concert in a few days. Which I am very happy about, because I feel like I am just getting to know the music.  And it has touched me deeply. I would like to perform it again!

My favorite was "O Whistle and I'll Come to Ye" from "Three Scottish Folk Songs" by Mack Wilberg.  The piano part was so beautiful.  All three songs are written for choir accompanied by two people on piano. The director and I did the duet. :)  Here is a youtube video of the USC Chamber Singers performing "O Whistle..." Our performance was a tad slower, which I actually prefer.

So today I plan on avoiding chocolate.  I also plan on going to the gym after Mass.  The gym and Mass are keeping me sane.

Another confession: I get a little depressed around the holidays.  I fight it, but it is there.  Music also helps. Chocolate is a short term fix, but actually makes me feel worse later. I felt really low last night after my three chocolate attack.  Maybe it's the guilt. Or the sugar. Or the shame. Or all three.

Our chamber group has it's Holiday Fundraiser today. I am looking forward to it. I am going to get dressed up.  I will try to get a picture to post. I am thinking about getting myself a digital camera as a present to myself. A reward for all of my hard work. I have an old flip phone that I was taking pics with, but the quality was not so good and new it doesn't have enough memory.

But now I need to start moving.

I wonder if the chocolate binging has been a reaction to stress. Holidays. Performance anxiety. Yes I still get that.

So after tonight's performance, I'm going to take a look at my schedule and find time for a massage!

TTFN! :)

Happy Sunday!


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