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Day 349: Purple Tears

 I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee when I heard Prince had died.  I was studying my bible. The sliding glass door was open behind me. There was soft, warm breeze ruffling my hair, the bird songs floating above me.  At first, I thought it was another social media rumor. But then I logged onto the internet and saw Google was in purple letters, with purple rain drops coming down.

Sudden deaths cause me to pause.  I always wish I would have paid more attention.  Of course, I never knew Prince.  But he did affect me. I was mesmerized by him. His face, especially those soulful eyes and the way his hair would partially cover one eye and the other, usually rimmed with dark eyeliner, would peer out in a soulful way. On his videos, when he would suddenly look straight into the camera, I would catch my breath. He was physically beautiful. And as a product of the 80's, I did love his music. I loved to dance.  Like it was 1999 all the time. I made my hair big. Put on scads of makeup, platform shoes. Hit the discos. And screamed when his songs came on. I would grab someone and race out to the dance floor underneath the silver disco ball.

He was only 57. Three years older than me.  I also loved the way he dressed.  The long coats, frilly shirts.  And his dance moves.  He commanded the stage.  His energy was magnetizing.  But his personal interviews revealed a calm, peaceful compassionate soul.

All of the television stations are paying tribute to him. Celebrities are tweeting. Facebook is on fire. It was like this when Bowie died. When Robin Williams died.  But I still feel the pain of Michael Jackson's death.  A little bit of my past dies with all of these icons from my youth.

And I can't help but face my own mortality. If I was found lifeless in an elevator, would it hit the news?  What would be said about me?

Life really is incredibly short. I am so guilty of thinking I have so much time left. Only God knows.  And how can we prevent this empty feeling, the feeling of loss and regret before the next person we love, whether we knew them in person or not, leaves this planet?  I always tell myself, I will spend more time with people I care about. Be fully present and mindful. But then I forget and get distracted again.

I am so grateful that I have become a person of faith. Better late than never.  I was thinking earlier, I wish I had someone to talk to about so many things.  But I do not like to burden my friends and family. Especially with my sometimes rambling thoughts.

But I do have someone. I have God.  In Jesus. I can talk to Him anytime. And he does give me peace.

You know, at this moment, I feel free from the burden of worrying about what people think about me. About how they will honor me when I die.  About whether I have made and impact on this world.  I am just happy to be alive. Breathing.  It is such an incredible blessing.

It's been said before, but this moment is really all I have. And right now, I am feeling fully present, fully human and fully humbled by this awesome life.

As I prepare to post this, I hear rain outside. I am feeling tears well up.  I grieve for another gifted person gone too soon. 

Rest in peace Prince. I hope you are singing and dancing with the angels.


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