I am back on steroids. Prednisone to be exact. My coughing and wheezing was wearing me out. I am guessing it was exacerbated by the smoky air. Last week, I read in the news that Portland, Oregon had the worst air quality in the country. And while I usually wear my commuter and walker status proudly, like a medal, I probably did more harm than good to myself by walking outside and breathing the foul air. At least to my lungs.
But I slept really well last night. No coughing. In fact, I couldn't get out of bed. I was wide awake about 5:30 a.m., but my bed felt so cozy, and it was still dark and dreary outside. So I checked breaking news, and played a few rounds of "Words with Friends" which is a bit of an addiction for me. I justify it by telling myself I am exercising my brain. But at times, I make myself avoid it. So I can be in the present moment. And avoid being a cell phone zombie!
Anyway, I fell back asleep about 6:30 a.m. and couldn't rouse myself until 9:00! I barely had time to hoop. The ground was wet. And it was drizzling. So I opted for hooping on the sidewalk behind the house with my cell phone under the porch, so it wouldn't get wet. I didn't even have time to mess with the plastic baggy cover for my phone.
I am pleased with the results. Yes, I felt a bit confined, but I hooped! Day 94.
Alas, I am feeling quite low today. I keep reminding myself that I need to work on my inner peace. And not blame my blues on my situation, the environment or other people. I miss my daughter, my son, my granddaughter, my mother. I am craving family time lately.
The miracle of the birth of a new baby has me reminiscing about the birth of my own children. Those were the highlights of my life. But the ensuing guilt of me never being enough. For not being able to keep their father's in an involved relationship. For the constant struggle for survival as a single mother. I told myself to be strong, not to complain, and to be positive for my children. I even told myself not to accept government support. I worked. Sometimes as many as five part time jobs!
In retrospect, perhaps I should have accepted help.
I also have been thinking about my own childhood. I have a lot of wounds. But in honor of Baby Burrito, I would like to focus on the good. And forgive and move forward.
I think one of the ways I can stay on track emotionally is to focus on my work. My teaching, my piano performance, my office work. Just take one day at a time and do my best.
The emotional baggage I carry, might be with me for life. But I can lighten the load by not dwelling on it.
I've often thought that happiness is overrated. I sometimes spend too much time wondering why I am not happy. And when the bluebird of happiness lights upon my shoulder, I dance and sing! When she flies off, I am sad. I wonder where she went and when she will return.
Of course, now I have a thought to follow. Who is this bluebird of happiness? Why a BLUE bird?What is happiness? Why do we seek it? Why do we feel empty when we do not feel happy?
Be right back...going on a Google journey!
Here's a picture of a "Mountain Bluebird" to keep you company in my absence:
I am back. Loaded with much information! I could do on a study on the pursuit of happiness...for the rest of my mortal life!
I could write a book about the origin of the bluebird as the symbol of happiness!
But before I go there, I have to share with you yet another God moment. I was at my office job earlier, feeling down. All alone. I was working on the bulletin. The church was like a ghost town. I heard a rapping on the office door. It was "R" from one of the groups who rent a room from the church for their meetings. He was grinning. Bearing flowers! He often brings me lovely roses from his wife's garden. In a little vase of water. Just to make me smile. We visit a bit. And then he takes off to prepare for his group. He always gives me a wave and says, "Keep up the good work!"
Thank God for people like R!
Anyway, I was working on my article for the newsletter in the office today. I write about a hymn every month for my very own column I call "Hymnspiration". This is one of my favorite parts of my job! I do enjoy researching and writing. Not sure if anyone reads my article. But it brings me joy!
Anyway, I was kind of feeling sorry for myself, but after I wrote the article, the cloud lifted. And I do believe the "bluebird of happiness" is sitting on my shoulder right now. I do have much to be grateful for in my life.
Here is the article:
But I slept really well last night. No coughing. In fact, I couldn't get out of bed. I was wide awake about 5:30 a.m., but my bed felt so cozy, and it was still dark and dreary outside. So I checked breaking news, and played a few rounds of "Words with Friends" which is a bit of an addiction for me. I justify it by telling myself I am exercising my brain. But at times, I make myself avoid it. So I can be in the present moment. And avoid being a cell phone zombie!
Anyway, I fell back asleep about 6:30 a.m. and couldn't rouse myself until 9:00! I barely had time to hoop. The ground was wet. And it was drizzling. So I opted for hooping on the sidewalk behind the house with my cell phone under the porch, so it wouldn't get wet. I didn't even have time to mess with the plastic baggy cover for my phone.
I am pleased with the results. Yes, I felt a bit confined, but I hooped! Day 94.
Alas, I am feeling quite low today. I keep reminding myself that I need to work on my inner peace. And not blame my blues on my situation, the environment or other people. I miss my daughter, my son, my granddaughter, my mother. I am craving family time lately.
The miracle of the birth of a new baby has me reminiscing about the birth of my own children. Those were the highlights of my life. But the ensuing guilt of me never being enough. For not being able to keep their father's in an involved relationship. For the constant struggle for survival as a single mother. I told myself to be strong, not to complain, and to be positive for my children. I even told myself not to accept government support. I worked. Sometimes as many as five part time jobs!
In retrospect, perhaps I should have accepted help.
I also have been thinking about my own childhood. I have a lot of wounds. But in honor of Baby Burrito, I would like to focus on the good. And forgive and move forward.
I think one of the ways I can stay on track emotionally is to focus on my work. My teaching, my piano performance, my office work. Just take one day at a time and do my best.
The emotional baggage I carry, might be with me for life. But I can lighten the load by not dwelling on it.
I've often thought that happiness is overrated. I sometimes spend too much time wondering why I am not happy. And when the bluebird of happiness lights upon my shoulder, I dance and sing! When she flies off, I am sad. I wonder where she went and when she will return.
Of course, now I have a thought to follow. Who is this bluebird of happiness? Why a BLUE bird?What is happiness? Why do we seek it? Why do we feel empty when we do not feel happy?
Be right back...going on a Google journey!
Here's a picture of a "Mountain Bluebird" to keep you company in my absence:
 |
| By Elaine R. Wilson - NaturesPicsOnline, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=989201 |
I am back. Loaded with much information! I could do on a study on the pursuit of happiness...for the rest of my mortal life!
I could write a book about the origin of the bluebird as the symbol of happiness!
But before I go there, I have to share with you yet another God moment. I was at my office job earlier, feeling down. All alone. I was working on the bulletin. The church was like a ghost town. I heard a rapping on the office door. It was "R" from one of the groups who rent a room from the church for their meetings. He was grinning. Bearing flowers! He often brings me lovely roses from his wife's garden. In a little vase of water. Just to make me smile. We visit a bit. And then he takes off to prepare for his group. He always gives me a wave and says, "Keep up the good work!"
Thank God for people like R!
Anyway, I was working on my article for the newsletter in the office today. I write about a hymn every month for my very own column I call "Hymnspiration". This is one of my favorite parts of my job! I do enjoy researching and writing. Not sure if anyone reads my article. But it brings me joy!
Anyway, I was kind of feeling sorry for myself, but after I wrote the article, the cloud lifted. And I do believe the "bluebird of happiness" is sitting on my shoulder right now. I do have much to be grateful for in my life.
Here is the article:
HYMNSPIRATION!
By Zita Jefferson
For the Beauty of the Earth
Lyrics by Folliott S. PIerpoint (1835-1917)
Music by Conrad Kocher
When I was thumbing through my books to find a hymn to discuss this month, I stopped when I saw the title of this hymn. I had been asked me to find a hymn with the theme of “creation” or “earth”. This fits. But what popped out at me was the following paragraph:
“‘For the Beauty of the Earth’ is one of only a few songs devoted purely to giving thanks. One of the strange things about the ‘attitude of gratitude” is that we tend to exhibit it in reverse proportion to the number of blessings received. The more we have, the less thankful we are’".
I don’t know about you, but I needed to read that today! Just as I am typing this, the sun has broken through the crowds. Moments ago, I went out to retrieve the mail. In a torrential downpour. I told myself not to complain, because I, like so many of us in the Pacific Northwest have been praying for rain! To clean the air, bring back the green and douse those fires! But it was pouring, gray and cold. I felt like I had a cloud of gloom over my head. I had forgotten my umbrella today! I think it is absolutely a “God thing” that I stopped on this hymn as I was thumbing through.
The lyrics are lovely. I will share the first verse with you:
For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies;
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise.
The story of how the author, (Folliot Sandford Pierpoint of Bath, England) came to write the lyrics is even more lovely.
“One day when he was 29, Folliot found himself walking in the countryside on a beautiful Spring day. He saw the ocean of green, the blue dome of heaven, and the winding Avon River cutting through the flowery landscape. Overwhelmed with God’s creative brilliance, he wrote this poem.” (Then Sings My Soul: 150 of the World’s Greatest Hymn Stories, by Robert J. Morgan)
Apparently, there is not much known about Folliott’s life other than he graduated from Cambridge and taught for a time at Somersetshire College in Bath. He resigned from his teaching position and spent much of his life traveling, teaching, writing hymns and publishing his poetry. I for one, am thankful for Folliott S. Pierpoint for leaving these beautiful words for us to enjoy.
Peace,
Zita
This blog is quite lengthy today! So perhaps I will explore my research of the bluebird of happiness tomorrow. For now, I need to head out and teach piano and then dinner with my son. Yay for family time!
May the bluebird of happiness land on your shoulder today!
Talk to you tomorrow!
Peace,
Zita
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