It is quite late, so I will probably not write much tonight. Although I really could use a good venting. And this blog has been so therapeutic to me!
I did not hear from my doctor yet about the results of my x-ray. And I am breathing better. I am still coughing a little. But I noticed that after my hoop session this morning (outside my daughter's home in Vancouver, in freezing temps!), I did not wheeze at all. This is progress!
I had a lovely visit with my daughter and Baby Grace. She slept 6 whole hours last night! My daughter went to work in the morning. Grace and I had a wonderful time with our activities. Then my mom arrived to relieve me so I could hop on the bus back to Portland to teach piano classes.
My mom is the designated "nap-lap". We hand the baby to her in the rocking chair. Gracie takes one look at my mom, puts her head on her shoulder and usually goes right to sleep!
On the bus back to Portland, I felt a bit odd. I think because my lungs are finally clearing, I am getting some of my energy back. And my brain is waking up. Perhaps because I am getting more oxygen?
Anyway, I felt quite revived. I stopped and got a Kombucha tea at the corner store before I headed to the music center.
I was in a really good mood. Yes, it was quite chilly. I was bundled up in layers. But I felt healthier and more alive than I have in many moons!
Perhaps that explains what happens next. I walked in and one of the office staff saw me and immediately proclaimed loudly that I sent him oodles of revisions of my programs for my upcoming student recitals. He had quite the exasperated tone of voice going on. Funny, I had sensed from our email exchange this week that he was not too pleased.
I had sent him many revisions. I usually revise my programs many times before I finalize them. When recital is coming up, my students pick a piece to work on. Sometimes as we get close to the recital, we need to make cuts. Some students drop out because of other obligations (especially during holiday season). Some students get really inspired and add another piece. Sometimes I am babysitting my grandbaby in Vancouver, and am spending most of my time commuting, and have very little computer time...
Sigh. In the past, I have worked with another office staff who understands my unusual ways. This particular staff member has not worked with me in this manner before. Although he has worked in the office for some time. He is a very nice fellow. I usually enjoy chatting with him after my Friday night shift. He was the one I commiserated with when I decided to quit my church secretary job. He was quite sympathetic about the "mean church people" who I had a hard time staying positive around.
But today...the roles were reversed. He was quite angry with me. Only, I didn't realize it. I thought he was joking. And I was high on life. I laughed as he complained about my revisions. I didn't think about what I was saying, and was horrified to hear the most politically incorrect words come out of my mouth.
He turned and glared at me. He said he was going to delete all my programs from the computer! I suddenly realized I had made a big mistake. He was angry!
He stood up suddenly and stormed out of the office!
The other staff members laughed at first. Then they got very quiet.
"Umm...was he mad or joking?" I asked.
The office manager said, "A bit of both I believe. Just apologize."
"Ok", I said sheepishly.
He returned after a few minutes. His eyes were like black balls of hatred. I felt horrible.
"Rewind", I said. "I am sorry..."
"Nope...", he said tersely. "I am not ready to forgive you."
I nodded and went upstairs to teach my class. But my heart was pounding. Oh how I despise conflict. I usually avoid it at all costs. But this time was a bit different. I had explained to him my situation with my computer. My first priority was putting on a recital that showcased my students in a very comfortable, supportive manner.
I didn't do anything wrong!
Except for, er...the referring to his bald spot thing.
That was pretty wrong.
But I apologized!
There was nothing else I could do.
I did feel bad. The interesting thing was that I did not feel crushed. I did not feel like crying.
This is weird. Who am I?
OMGoodness- Am I a mean church lady?!!
In a very strange way, I feel a bit empowered and liberated. I am always so nice and peaceful. I strive to be kind and accepting of everyone. I rarely criticize or confront. I encourage and support.
I kind of feel energized.
But that perplexes me. Because it is out of character.
Perhaps it was because I defended myself. I have rarely done so in life without getting overly emotional.
But I do obsess afterwards. As I am doing now.
Ok. So, this was not a short blog. But I feel sufficiently vented. I do hope he forgives me. I feel like we had a nice casual work friendship. One can never have too many of those.
Work enemies, however can be quite awkward! All that avoiding of eye contact crapolla...
And now I have to type my own programs. Which I don't mind. I type like the wind. Must be my piano fingers. I was once clocked at 140 wpm!
Alas, I am not so good at formatting. That's why I needed my workmate's help. But my big mouth put an end to that! Sigh.
So here I am up late on a Friday night, formatting programs, venting and still smiling!
Oh, in my defense, my family and I poke fun at each other all the time. Bald spots, gray hair, jelly bellies, nothing is sacred. It is all loving and in fun. But people outside the family circle might not take it so well!
Oy. My face is red.
And on that note, I need to finish these programs and hit the hay.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will talk to you then.
Love,
Zita
P.S. Here is today's hooping (in 32 degree frigid weather!) video:
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